I’ve been wondering what my first ever blog should be about and was finally struck with a real bit of inspiration in the form of a wave of despair that came over me almost a week ago. To give some background I’ve never been particularly concerned with if my writing is the best because writing is something you get better at the more you do it and at 12 odd years in I think I’m actually starting to hit my stride and finding my writing style but there’s always been something else holding me back from becoming serious about my writing and making an attempt to publish. That’s what this first blog post is about: support or lack thereof.
Way back when I was in middle school, when I first started writing with a friend of mine, I always had people asking to read my stories. Of course, they were mostly trashy little shorts, sure to catch the attention of a bunch of hormonal teens. Still, it felt so good to have people asking when I was going to write more and telling me how good something was. I didn’t mind that I wasn’t making money off of it as I figured no one was going to publish the trashy fiction written by a 12/13 year old girl from Milwaukee, Wisconsin so what did it matter.
Then in high school it was much the same even though I didn’t get to major in creative writing because I missed all of the auditions, I still kept writing and receiving great feedback from my English teachers, friends and peers who read my work. By this time it was more refined with more story than trash and I was seriously considering writing as a full time job once I was done with school. Again it wasn’t really even about the money but doing something I loved verses working for someone one else doing something I hated.
After high school is when I noticed the drop off. Social media is supposed to be the easiest way to share and promote yourself but I can’t tell. I finished my first book and asked for readers. I got offers, sent it out and never heard anything back. Like okay what was the point? If you didn’t like it just say you didn’t and give me some feedback. And then I joined my first creator group and felt like I was home. The feedback, and overall support… not to mention these were all people like me just in various stages of their writing careers. I loved just getting advice from them and that’s where I first heard it.
They always say you shouldn’t expect your family and friends to support your writing but if they won’t why would a stranger. And that’s the thing I’ve been struggling with since a friend of mine decided to publish her first book. I see the support she gets from her friends and family and it gives me the warm and fuzzies. I’m so glad I get to watch her on this part of the writing journey and I’m glad I get to be a part of the support she’s receiving. I was just wish I had a level of support close to that. Don’t get me wrong between her, my husband and a few other friends and writers (mostly people I’ve never even met IRL), I know I have support, I guess I just wish the people who said they support me and enjoy my work would actually show it.
So to be or not to be disappointed comes from my firm belief that you should always hope for the best but expect the worst. That negative outlook has kept me from being disappointed so many times during the darkest moments of my life that even now that things are going so well for me in most aspects, I still find it hard to shake myself from thinking this way. Look at it as self preservation of my psyche and it’s the number one reason that I haven’t published any of the 5 manuscripts I’ve finished in the last 4 years. I don’t know if I can handle the crushing disappointment of something I poured my heart and soul into like my first novel completely failing.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know writing is all about rejection and falling completely on your face but that’s supposed to be to the outside world right? Not your nearest and dearest? Anyway it was those same people I’ve never met who actually convinced me to take the leap and publish my first book. I know they’ll support me even if it’s just spreading the word and as of the moment that’s good enough for me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is the same thing those writers from my various groups: don’t be disappointed if those closest to you don’t read or buy your work. There will always be someone interested in what you have to say. There will always be someone rooting for you even if don’t know them. I’m taking the leap and I encourage you to do the same. You may end up surprising yourself and others.
Nel Blake 